If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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