jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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