I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
