on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
