i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
