What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
