I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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