Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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