dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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