i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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