What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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