I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
