Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
