I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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