That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You are a genius and a whore.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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