my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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