i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize