so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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