living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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