it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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