drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is wine microwaveable?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize