His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
