i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
