why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
