I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
