Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
