Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
