I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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