Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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