i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
