U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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