ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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