He kissed a someone with a penis
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
