he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
