I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
