time to smoke my breakfast
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
