note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
