There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
