Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
