I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
