Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
