Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
