He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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