Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
