He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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