I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
don't judge my taste in strippers
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize