i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
