also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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