i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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