thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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