:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
