he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
