Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
