Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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