Fine. I'll sleep in my office
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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