I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
