took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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