Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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