I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
