im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
