i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
