Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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