I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
