i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
