i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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