my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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