My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
