After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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