woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
