I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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