Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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