Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
