We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
