:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
