I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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