Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
