Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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