So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
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