The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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