her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
