Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
